Don’t Tread On Me!

Hey guys! I’ve been super busy. Ya know, with my kid and all. I haven’t written in a long time because I haven’t made the time. There ya go, I said it. Tonight, however, I felt like I needed to post a little bit of a rant.

I’ve watched my Facebook newsfeed fill up with memes and articles about how “healthy” relationships should look. Titles like, “10 Reasons You Suck at Marriage” and “Do These Things and You Won’t Suck at Marriage” and so forth. Fine, I changed the titles, but I’m sure you’re familiar enough to know the ones I’m referencing. I believe these bits of “advice” to be completely detrimental to anyone who takes them seriously.

So, to get to my rant… ((Disclaimer: I am absolutely not targeting men or women, specifically, in this post. If any of this applies to you, regardless of gender, please consider it written to you. If you think I’m being sexist, please know I also think you’re being dumb.)

STOP SACRIFICING EVERYTHING FOR YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

Before you click away or tune me out, HEAR me out.

I don’t believe you need to constantly focus on your partner to be in a happy relationship. I don’t believe you need to keep your partner on your mind 24/7. I don’t believe you should always put your partner first in everything you do.

Here’s what I do believe.

1) You should not have to love your partner more than you love yourself in order to receive equal love and devotion. You should love yourself enough that your partner’s love for you only ADDS to your fulfillment. Your relationship should be an ADDITION to your life, not something that is making it whole. Yes, you should consider your partner a huge part of your life and decision-making process. You shouldn’t, however, rely solely on your partner’s attendance in your life to get you out of bed in the morning.

2) You shouldn’t put your kids before your partner. I know I’m going to catch some flack for this one, but I really believe your partner should come first. Now, that may not be true in situations where your partner is a new one, or they aren’t the parent to the children. I have no experience in this matter and if you are about to scream at me that I have no idea what I’m talking about, you got me, I admit I don’t have any room to talk in that situation. Feel free to skip ahead. If you aren’t part of that group, hear me out. I’m not saying if you have a screaming or vomiting child and your partner wants to have sex you should say “Listen, Little Johnny, Mama’s gotta go get jiggy with it. Hold your stomach till I get back in 30 minutes (let’s be honest, more like 4 minutes)”. I’m saying if your relationship is in the pits and your child also happens to be potty training, once you clean the pee off yourself, reboot and make time for your partner too.

3) Under no circumstances should you blame the end of the Honeymoon Phase on your partner. Unless you constantly shower your partner in gifts and acts of service and words of encouragement and whatever else The Five Love Languages has mapped out and get nothing in return, you can pick up the phone and order flowers/pizza/a limo just as easily as your partner can.

4) You need to start effing communicating. If what you need in your life to love your partner more is the oil in your car being changed without you noticing, or the floor being swept, or the checkbook balanced, SAY IT. This one is more so to the women. Men honestly don’t understand hints. They need things spelled out in plain English. You know how I know this? No man I’ve ever been with has consistently done something for me that I appreciate that I haven’t specifically mentioned and/or verbally come to an agreement that that thing is their job. Don’t get me wrong, I scream at the top of my lungs once I’m fed up with them not picking up on the hints (which isn’t healthy, mind you), but they eventually learn to do it. Same with me. Dudes have yelled at me, too. Mostly about me not just telling them what the fuck I want done. Communicate. Now. Start communicating now. If something in your life is off and it can be put straight by your partner helping you with it, ask for help. Remember, you’re with someone who loves you and wants to make you happy. Don’t you want to do the same thing for them? Wouldn’t a lot of this not even be necessary to talk about if you guys just talked to each other?

I’m in no way an expert on relationships. This list is based on things I myself need to work on. All I’m saying is that we all need to start loving ourselves more. Shit, if you need to work on yourself, by all means do it. Work out, meditate, write in a journal, go scream in your backyard. Do SOMETHING that makes you feel better that doesn’t rest solely on your partner. You can’t carry another person, don’t expect another person to carry you.

Thank you guys! Now, go out there and talk shit about me. I love when my ears burn.